New Expectations.

Time passes so fast. I'm getting old and hardly anything has changed. I still am that fat lard. The holidays weren't so great. I gave in. I gave in!. I hate myself. Now I have to work extra hard to lose the pounds i gained. I'm back to 110. I was doing well when school was in session.I exercise obsessively. Also my thoughts didn't linger to the food in the refrigerator. Of course, since its a new years I have a list of resolutions. I need a breakthrough. I want to weight my lowest by the end of January and if that doesn't work hell will break lose. I also have to change my habits completely and that would take more that control. I was considering severely punishing myself. haha. I still don't know how or what. It's just a thought. I mean this is something I really want since the longest and i wont let nothing or anyone stand in my way. I have completely stop eating meat and turn into a vegetarian.Man, that gives you plenty of excuses to stop eating what's in your plate. I really stuck to it and my diet mostly consist of food with less fat in it. So why cant i shed those forsaken pounds. Its really hard to explain. Mostly because after a day or two without eating properly I end up binging the next effin day. So my efforts are all in vain!. I need to start and watch my intake of calories more closely. I need to exercise everyday. I need to stop binging and find a way to preoccupied my mind so i wont be tempted. Reading might work. If i eat i must burn those calories. I might do the 2468 diet. I need to lose those pounds. I need to be thin. That's all I really need.