Fuck this

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Epic Fail

I'm the girl on the right looking down at Monster Massive in LA. I was 109 at the time, shit-faced high. Since I couldn't upload my weight progess pictures since i gain weight. -_________-'

My Current State:
Yeah, i gain 3 pounds and I'm so fucken mad.
Stupid Thanksgiving. My thighs are humongous now but I'm starting to use the gym.
I stay there for an hour burn more than 500 calories when I go.
The fatter girls on the gym who have cellulite kind of motivate me to run that extra minute. I'll be one of them if I continue to eat junk food. Hey, but they deserve a tap in the shoulder. We are in the same struggle. What gets me mad is that I eat once i come back from the gym. Epic fail. Stupid Freshman 15! How much I fear you.

I'm just annoyed. I remember when it was easy to shed a pound now i see myself stumbling and eating in the meantime Lol. There this one asian girl on my floor that eats like a fucken rabbit and I just envy her slim body. She saves half of her meals for the next day what makes it worse is that she brags about it. I want to surprise her with my weight loss. Fucken asian and their noodles. I'm just kidding. I'm just mad.I'm planning to drink water this whole week and eat salads.

I better shed pounds. I read that it's better to see your weightloss not by weight but by body measurements so here they are.

Weight: 111.6
Body Measurements

Hips: 36in
thighs: 20in
Calfs: 11.5in

Sunday, October 17, 2010

It's been a while....

But I'm officially back. Transitioning from high school and college was very difficult and little has changed. I'm still that fat lard that i used to be in high school. I currently weigh 109 and i'm actually pretty happy about the weightloss. I'm in college now and i haven't fallen victim to the freshmen 15! Better yet, I have lost some weight just by doing nothing! Two weeks ago i was around 113. Well of course i hardly ate. I rarely get hungry like i used to and when i do go to the store to buy food I usually get a few healthy items instead of buying junk-food. Away from my parents it is in my freedom to eat or not and the best thing is that NO ONE IS WATCHING! except your roommate, but you could easily lie that you ate before you came. Also there's a gym in our campus like 3 minutes away which i plan to use regularly. I haven't really gone because I'm usually doing homework at the last minute. ugh! I'm going to post progress pictures once i hit my goal weight of 105 so expect that pretty soon. Any questions just ask. I know it's been a while and I really would enjoy some feedback. comments or anything because it does get boring up in here!
Byee. and like always stay strong. <33

And here is some disgusting reverse thinspo. It literally took away my appetite. This is what happens when you let greasy food control your lifestyle! I always wonder how they allow themselves to get this big!!NO SELF CONTROL!

Thursday, May 20, 2010

i got a long way to go.

I weigh myself last Sunday and I'm down to 110. Everything is looking up somehow.... Prom was great even though i look disgusting in that dress. I manage to not be self conscious all night. The beer sure helped. :) I've started a new diet and it has worked good for me. In the mornings i drink a cup of tea, during school i eat half an apple and usually if i don't give in to food at night i sleep on an empty stomach but i drink lots of liquid, or if I'm really hungry and my guts are screaming i eat the other half of the apple. I lose weight quick, but my problem is maintaining the steady weight. I've remember being desperate last month and quickly lost 12 pounds in 2 weeks! That is almost a pound each day, but sadly when i ate regularly i gained them faster than when i had lost them. My friend knows about my eating habits and she thinks I'm dumb. Compared to me she is very tall so i hate how she could gain weight and not look any different. I, being 5 foot 1 gain just one pound and there's a big difference. I don't know, but anyways how are you girls hanging? any suggestion, feel welcome to comment. :D

Eva Longoria is a hot one. :)

Friday, May 14, 2010


Not only do I despised my body, I hate my personality completely. I hate everything about myself. I have few friends that actually care about me and i realized my closet friend pities me. I wish i could speak my mind and tell people off. I'm tired of stupid people pushing me around. I'm tired of my family reminding me that I'm getting fat. I'm tired of eating to comfort myself. I'm tired for causing pity all the time. Gosh, I think I'm just emotional today. Nothing comes out as planned for me and sometimes i feel like I'm alone in this world. If only I was stronger. :/

Thursday, May 13, 2010

It's been a while.

not me. pshh. but i wish.
Senior year is almost ending. Prom is only two days away and I've giving up. I reached my highest weight 119 and i look disgusting in my dress. I don't know what happened. oh, no i know what happened. I've been eating like a pig. I deserved it. I want to hide in a cave and never come out. I want to rip my stomach open and take all the the fat away.. lol i kid i kid. But the good news is that I'm back. I'll do my best to keep my progress up to date. So expect more from me. :)

Saturday, January 9, 2010

For the last three days i didn't restrict as much as i wanted to, but i didnt binge either. So it's good. I'm still drinking plenty of water and I've been doing crunches during my spare time. In the morning, afternoon and in the night. Listening to good music helps. :). Ahh. I'm so tired. Today, I ran 13 miles in 3 hours. It was not my fastest but it sure got me tired. I was on the verge of collapsing since i didn't eat anything. Once I finished i got a piece of banana, granola bar, and 3 pieces of bagel. I was starving. >.<

Good thing winter break is over. I start school on Monday and I'm going back to restricting as much as possible. Argghh.. I'm in pain. My sore legs ache from the run but it was worth every sweat. My stomach looks pretty slimmer now but I really want my hip bones to protrude. That would be a lovely sight :). Not a lot of people have a nice figure in my school and it would be nice if i was one of the few :)
I must hang on. In the end everything will pay off. right. Well, I'm off

Stay strong <3
And never lose sight of your goals. :]

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

In Control :D

ONE DAY.........
Yesterday was very successful.

Half Banana
Candy Cane
3 sticks of doublemint
less than 300 calories. :)

Today's Intake
2 Cups of Coffee
2 sticks of doublemint
& 1/3 of banana.
less than 230 calories. :D

I've been drinking tons of water in the meantime.
It makes you feel full.
Also when my stomach is really growling i just go to sleep.
and yes sleeping works miracles.
It suppresses the hunger for a bit.
Hopefully, I don't have a relapse and start binging.
Lying to your body is easy.
I've notice when you're constantly thinking about food it makes you weak.
Entertain yourself when your bored.
you'll be less tempted.

I found this really cool website
free rice Pictures, Images and Photos
It's a game that helps you increase your knowledge.
Every answer you get right the non-profits website donates 10 grains of rice for the hungry.

Kinda ironic right?.

but yeah check it out! :)

Anyways, Stay strong <3.
Any questions just ask.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

New Expectations.

Time passes so fast. I'm getting old and hardly anything has changed. I still am that fat lard. The holidays weren't so great. I gave in. I gave in!. I hate myself. Now I have to work extra hard to lose the pounds i gained. I'm back to 110. I was doing well when school was in session.I exercise obsessively. Also my thoughts didn't linger to the food in the refrigerator. Of course, since its a new years I have a list of resolutions. I need a breakthrough. I want to weight my lowest by the end of January and if that doesn't work hell will break lose. I also have to change my habits completely and that would take more that control. I was considering severely punishing myself. haha. I still don't know how or what. It's just a thought. I mean this is something I really want since the longest and i wont let nothing or anyone stand in my way. I have completely stop eating meat and turn into a vegetarian.Man, that gives you plenty of excuses to stop eating what's in your plate. I really stuck to it and my diet mostly consist of food with less fat in it. So why cant i shed those forsaken pounds. Its really hard to explain. Mostly because after a day or two without eating properly I end up binging the next effin day. So my efforts are all in vain!. I need to start and watch my intake of calories more closely. I need to exercise everyday. I need to stop binging and find a way to preoccupied my mind so i wont be tempted. Reading might work. If i eat i must burn those calories. I might do the 2468 diet. I need to lose those pounds. I need to be thin. That's all I really need.