Gosh, my head is killing me. I was crying last night because my boyfriend dumped me. haha. I could laugh about it now because i don't care, but of course i do. I'm just pretending and I'm a good pretender. Well, I decided I need to cleanse myself so that's why I'm going to restrict my diet even more than what i do. I hate winter break because I can't run. I mean i could go to the park but i just get lazy and when school was in session i would run, have soccer, and just going to school was an exercise. Uhm i want to go on a water fast for about 5 days to see how it goes, but even that seems impossible. I need someone for support. :( and i have none. moomoo. I'm a alone in this world. I think I'll start tomorrow and I'll keep everything updated. I wish i had a weight scale but that would be very suspicious. I haven't weight myself for quite a while now but I've notice my collar bones protrude more and 1 bone in my chest that shows also my legs are getting thinner in a way. Only one can notice these difference since we get so used to our body, but knowing how much you really weight is best. I'm going to take pictures of my changes from start to finish maybe that would be sort of proof. :). Ok then bye-bye.
Stay Strong <3
Saturday, December 5, 2009
I longed to be skinny, light, free of all insecurities. My eating habits disgust me. I wish i were accepted. I hate how I look. I'm tired of being just average. I want to look like that one girl. I want him to think I'm perfect and tell me how beautiful i look today. I want to smile and know that he is being sincere. I'm walking the path of self-destruction. Starving to become someone distant but admired secretly by the girls who wishfully want that but don't have the will power. I want to be that girl they look up too. Strong from the inside but weak and feeble from the outer. I don't want to crave no longer food but thinness. I want my bones to show, be light as a petal, and swayed along with the blowing of the wind.