Fuck this

Monday, April 11, 2011

At some party

I am the girl on the left.

OMFG i havent been here in such a long time. I am currently in my second semester of college and i have gain some weight since the last post. Once again summer is around the corner and i havent even reach my fucken goal weight. Fuck myself. I blame my fucken school. The only shit they sell is pure junkfood. Nah, I can only blame myself. Im a fucken whale. Im a fucken whale. I don't know how the skinny girls in my school do it. Probably purge when no one is watching. I envy them. Anyways, I was reading my old post and i've notice a shift in my personality. Losing weight is no longer my first priority. It doesn't crosses my mind as it used to but recently i've been disgusted on how i looked again especially my thighs. I have fat hanging all over my body. My body is much thicker. I hate how jeans look on me. I hate how my arms have gotten bigger. How my cheecks look more fuller. How i am getting love handles. I hate the fact that i just ate a box of cookies, some chips, a snicker bar and i wasnt even hungry. I'm not obese but im sure fucken heading that way. Im a fucken chubby midget and i hate the fact that i stop caring. That i let myself go. Man, I let myself go.
I am the girl on the left in the picture.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Epic Fail

I'm the girl on the right looking down at Monster Massive in LA. I was 109 at the time, shit-faced high. Since I couldn't upload my weight progess pictures since i gain weight. -_________-'

My Current State:
Yeah, i gain 3 pounds and I'm so fucken mad.
Stupid Thanksgiving. My thighs are humongous now but I'm starting to use the gym.
I stay there for an hour burn more than 500 calories when I go.
The fatter girls on the gym who have cellulite kind of motivate me to run that extra minute. I'll be one of them if I continue to eat junk food. Hey, but they deserve a tap in the shoulder. We are in the same struggle. What gets me mad is that I eat once i come back from the gym. Epic fail. Stupid Freshman 15! How much I fear you.

I'm just annoyed. I remember when it was easy to shed a pound now i see myself stumbling and eating in the meantime Lol. There this one asian girl on my floor that eats like a fucken rabbit and I just envy her slim body. She saves half of her meals for the next day what makes it worse is that she brags about it. I want to surprise her with my weight loss. Fucken asian and their noodles. I'm just kidding. I'm just mad.I'm planning to drink water this whole week and eat salads.

I better shed pounds. I read that it's better to see your weightloss not by weight but by body measurements so here they are.

Weight: 111.6
Body Measurements

Hips: 36in
thighs: 20in
Calfs: 11.5in

Sunday, October 17, 2010

It's been a while....

But I'm officially back. Transitioning from high school and college was very difficult and little has changed. I'm still that fat lard that i used to be in high school. I currently weigh 109 and i'm actually pretty happy about the weightloss. I'm in college now and i haven't fallen victim to the freshmen 15! Better yet, I have lost some weight just by doing nothing! Two weeks ago i was around 113. Well of course i hardly ate. I rarely get hungry like i used to and when i do go to the store to buy food I usually get a few healthy items instead of buying junk-food. Away from my parents it is in my freedom to eat or not and the best thing is that NO ONE IS WATCHING! except your roommate, but you could easily lie that you ate before you came. Also there's a gym in our campus like 3 minutes away which i plan to use regularly. I haven't really gone because I'm usually doing homework at the last minute. ugh! I'm going to post progress pictures once i hit my goal weight of 105 so expect that pretty soon. Any questions just ask. I know it's been a while and I really would enjoy some feedback. comments or anything because it does get boring up in here!
Byee. and like always stay strong. <33

And here is some disgusting reverse thinspo. It literally took away my appetite. This is what happens when you let greasy food control your lifestyle! I always wonder how they allow themselves to get this big!!NO SELF CONTROL!

Thursday, May 20, 2010

i got a long way to go.

I weigh myself last Sunday and I'm down to 110. Everything is looking up somehow.... Prom was great even though i look disgusting in that dress. I manage to not be self conscious all night. The beer sure helped. :) I've started a new diet and it has worked good for me. In the mornings i drink a cup of tea, during school i eat half an apple and usually if i don't give in to food at night i sleep on an empty stomach but i drink lots of liquid, or if I'm really hungry and my guts are screaming i eat the other half of the apple. I lose weight quick, but my problem is maintaining the steady weight. I've remember being desperate last month and quickly lost 12 pounds in 2 weeks! That is almost a pound each day, but sadly when i ate regularly i gained them faster than when i had lost them. My friend knows about my eating habits and she thinks I'm dumb. Compared to me she is very tall so i hate how she could gain weight and not look any different. I, being 5 foot 1 gain just one pound and there's a big difference. I don't know, but anyways how are you girls hanging? any suggestion, feel welcome to comment. :D

Eva Longoria is a hot one. :)

Friday, May 14, 2010


Not only do I despised my body, I hate my personality completely. I hate everything about myself. I have few friends that actually care about me and i realized my closet friend pities me. I wish i could speak my mind and tell people off. I'm tired of stupid people pushing me around. I'm tired of my family reminding me that I'm getting fat. I'm tired of eating to comfort myself. I'm tired for causing pity all the time. Gosh, I think I'm just emotional today. Nothing comes out as planned for me and sometimes i feel like I'm alone in this world. If only I was stronger. :/

Thursday, May 13, 2010

It's been a while.

not me. pshh. but i wish.
Senior year is almost ending. Prom is only two days away and I've giving up. I reached my highest weight 119 and i look disgusting in my dress. I don't know what happened. oh, no i know what happened. I've been eating like a pig. I deserved it. I want to hide in a cave and never come out. I want to rip my stomach open and take all the the fat away.. lol i kid i kid. But the good news is that I'm back. I'll do my best to keep my progress up to date. So expect more from me. :)